Okay everyone, this is probably my last blog post for a while, I'm definitely leaving for home and that's probably within the next four days. Anyway, I've been thinking quite a bit the past few days and I had at least one realisation.
For now let's put aside being alpha, inner game, and most of whatever concepts happen to be floating around. I put it to you that one of our top problems is desparation. I'll bet the first thing that pops into your head is "But I'm not desparate". And that's the problem, the fact that we know this. And this is the issue for guys who have made some progress, but after a while it stagnated or got worse.
It's difficult. It gives me a headache thinking about it, worse having to explain it, but I'll try. See, often even the worst WABFC knows these principles evn before he goes into the community, he just doesn't use them or think about them. In his mind, the situation is pretty hopeless and that's it, but if he's not totally hideous, unpopular or unfashionable, he may have some appeal. This following bit explains why some otherwise good-looking, fashionable, cool, popular guys don't sem to get anywhere and why there is strength in that hopeless feeling. Also, part of it will explain why some guys seem to be very "lucky" with the ladies.
Let me try to make it clearer by classing them:
- The loner
- The cool guy
- The social guy
Each of them may be considered "cool" in their own way and they may have some characteristics of the other class. But the labels are mainly for the purpose of demonstrating my point, which is why they are so simplistic. Remember, these are just a means of getting my point across.
The Loner: The loner takes pride in his own company and that of close friends who "get him". Around close friends and family he can be funny and interesting. Take him out of that and he is the most boring person in the world, zero appeal.
Weaknesses: The first weakness that the loner has is that he likes to be liked. Yes, you read that correctly. "The loner" persona he projects is often something he uses to protect his fragile ego. This wanting to be liked often means that he may have a bad sense of fashion, wearing clothes anybody buys him and he comes across as weak, wierd or creepy for no apparent reason. He may be intelligent and try to use that in ordinary conversation to impress, foresaking small talk and coming across as arrogant. He doesn't think women are attracted to him or notice when they are. He's also very shy and bad at flirting.
Occassional Strengths: In spite of his flaws, the loner may have several strengths. The biggest of these is when he truly doesn't care or is unaware of whether a member of the opposite sex likes him or not. He may end up using push-pull tactics and not know it. Not afraid to flirt with women he's not attracted to.
The Cool Guy: The type I'm referring to here is different from the social kind. He knows how other people work, dresses fashionably and is fairly unafraid. He may even be good with other people and some women may even be drawn to him, he should be good but he just isn't. The problem with this guy is that he doesn't want to be seen doing anything embarassing to spoil that image that he's worked on, he wants people to view him in a certain light.
Weaknesses: He doesn't like to be seen too much and he doesn't want to be embarassed but he desparately wants to be social, so he'll walk into a club or bar and sit down and shrink, doing nothing and not enjoyig himself. He shares some of the attributes of the loner. He knows TOO MUCH of the theory.
Occassional Strengths: He's not overly shy, especially to approach and will not pass up a given opportunity. He knows the theory and he will at least attempt to use it, he doesn't feel hopeless (even if he is).
The Social Guy: The social guy knows people intuitively and not theoretically, and, very importantly, he doesn't overthink what he's doing. His thoughts in order are: 1) Am I having fun? 2) Is everyone else having fun? rather than "What is everyone thinking about me?" or "I hope everyone likes me". What you see outside is the same as what you get at home.
Strengths: Many. His biggest asset is his natural sense of humour, meant for his own amusement (Kezia has written an excellent article on this). He will often insult you with a smile, leading you to question whether something was a joke or not (naturally cocky-funny).
Occassional Weaknesses: Will sometimes take a joke too far.
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